Pull The Strings!

The Retrospective That Never Was

2005-03-15T10:15:00.000-05:00

It truly couldn't get any better than displaying all of our wares at one time, on one unsuspecting bookshelf. And, yes, someone did end up stealing the shorts right off the hanger.

Click for a glimpse:

Liberace Take One

2005-03-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

Here's another rarity you can click on. It's the first, ultrarare draft of the Amateur Liberace Film Competition flyer and entry form that we mocked up. I believe a few of these were even distributed out to early applicants. This flyer was, of course, replaced with the fabulous Josh Sullivan original design that we used in the end. Mr. Sullivan can be found at www.joshcomics.com and a bigger version of this flyer can be found by clicking on the thumbnail:

It actually reminds me of those black-and-white Anton Corbijn photos of U2 in Berlin around the time of Achtung Baby. Liberace was so ahead of his time...

Horror A Go Go: The Promotion!

2005-02-17T13:55:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a program where the flyers and promotional material were better than the actual event itself? We most definitely have (*cough*icecream*cough*). However, with the 2nd Annual Horror A Go-Go, such was not the case. Good flyer - great front side, featuring a genius riff on Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" courtesy of Laura, and then an incomprehensible collage on the reverse, all heralded the BEST. EVENT. EVER.

Click on, you clickers:

Coming Soon!

2005-02-01T16:35:00.000-05:00

The most magnificent film you'll never see! A teaser, as they say in the biz....

70s Craft Explosion! Revisited

2005-02-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

I just ran across a highly entertaining livejournal post by the actor who portrayed the Kool-Aid man at our 70s Craft Explosion!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/archiedavis/223865.html

Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?!

2005-01-03T18:45:00.000-05:00

Our Christmas Gift to You

2004-12-29T10:36:00.000-05:00

Mouse over the picture to shake the snow globe:

Mouse over the picture to pull Santa's beard and get a surprise!

When's The Best Time To Library A Go Go?

2004-12-22T13:17:00.000-05:00

Why ten in the morning of course! Peaks and valleys!

Spanker and Ginger are back!

2004-12-01T09:33:00.000-05:00

...for our Holiday Music display. Father Spanker bids good tidings to all as Ginger rides the green fairy into a vortex of peppermint madness.

Happy November!

2004-11-01T09:32:00.000-05:00

Final (Rough) Horror A Go Go Itinerary

2004-10-11T12:22:00.000-05:00

Changes down to the wire -

- Arthur welcomes everyone
- Halloween shorts
- Thomas Edison and His Chilling Revenge
- Liberace's Psycho (introduced by zombie Gus Van Sant)
- Count Glenn's Vampire Frenzy
- Nosferatu with Live Soundtrack
- Dance-Off/Thomas Edison's Pumpkinwalk
- Food + Bride of the Monster (or something)

And of course, the whole Haunted gateway/hallway/Jacksonville/cemetery
thing will be fit in there, probably at the very beginning....

Welcome to the 2nd Annual Horror A Go Go - - - -

2004-10-01T14:03:00.000-05:00

(A sequel even more terrifying than the original)

Lineup:

1. A couple of short films to set the properly scary mood.
2. A special horrifying guest, the inventor, Thomas Edison, is here to show his “Frankenstein” film.
3. A new version of Psycho, with a hot young actor playing every single role! Where there are puppets, there is Liberace!
4. The bloodthirsty Count Glenn will emerge from his crypt to give a short presentation on vampires.
5. The classic silent horror film “Nosferatu” with a live soundtrack (will give you the names of the players tomorrow).
6. Pumpkin give-away. Looks at this point to be either a raffle or a round of musical chairs (aka a “Pumpkinwalk”).
7. Food served and “Bride of the Monster” (or alternate film) will screen. At this point, thank the audience for coming out and invite them all to stay for food and this film.

New Fall Film Series

2004-08-30T12:22:00.000-05:00

This Thursday, our fall film series, "Eight Nights of Fright," begins. The plan is to show eight different scary movies during the months of September and October, culminating in the Second Annual Horror A Go-Go!

September 2: Jason and the Argonauts
September 9: The Crimson Cult
September 16: The Phantom of the Opera
September 23: The Hunchback of Notre Dame
September 30: The Pit and the Pendulum
October 7: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
October 14: Love at First Bite
October 21: Night of the Living Dead

Hey Kool-Aid!

2004-08-07T15:54:00.000-05:00

OH YEAH!!!!

The True Spirit of Volunteerism, III

2004-07-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

Not only has our volunteer agreed to be the Kool-Aid Man without the Jonestown Massacre funny business, he seems seriously disappointed that we do not have a Kool-Aid Man suit ready for him. He volunteers to buy some red tights and do "whatever it takes." Not wanting to disappoint this eager friend of the library, I scramble to make a Kool-Aid Man costume from a roll of red paper and cardboard boxes.

The True Spirit of Volunteerism, II

2004-07-29T15:15:00.000-05:00

The saga of the Kool Aid Man casting continues, and "I Can Do It: A Seventies Craft Explosion!" is all the richer for it. Today's email:

the latest word is that we will not be getting the fridge, so i should be open for being the kool aid man without reservation.

maybe someone can dress up like jim jones and he and the kool aid man could fight? you know that the kool aid man, in his heroic thirst quenching heart would nothing more than to clean kool aid's public image forever for giving jones what for.

Though we really want to have the Kool Aid Man be a part of the festivities (you have no idea how much), the Explosion! is only two days away and that's a whole lotta red fabric and/or red posterboard in such a limited amount of time. Sigh.

The True Spirit of Volunteerism

2004-07-28T15:08:00.000-05:00

Received this morning via email in response to an open call for "Kool Aid Men" as part of the snacktime segment of "I Can Do It: A Seventies Craft Explosion":

I just had a little brainstorm, if you want to call it that, and came up with a great idea. i can be both the cool aid man with jim jones face on me, OR i can just be jim jones jumping through the wall!

i could get a black wig, visor shades, and wear one of those horrible looking tan suits he wore.

sure, it would propogate the notion that his followers really were poisoned, even though the autopsies showed only a few with actual cyanide poisoning, and more with gun holes in them, but hey, the old myths have to go on.

Eighties Craft Explosion! Rough Schedule

2004-07-15T11:43:00.000-05:00

Saturday, August 6th
3:00 - 4:30

1. Friendship Pin Instruction
2. Origami Fortuneteller/Cootie Catcher Instuction
3. "The Pilot" (breakdancing-themed afterschool special) + Snacks
4. Friendship Bracelet Construction
5. Trivia Contest

What Goes Into A Crafts Explosion!, Anyway?

2004-07-10T08:49:00.000-05:00

Here's our supply request list, by decade--

Seventies:
Yarn, assorted colors
Googly eyes
Tacky glue
Four boxes, Twinkies
One cannister, powdered grape Kool-Aid
Plastic cups
Paper napkins

Eighties:
Embroidery Floss, assorted colors
Safety pins
Seed beads
Three boxes, Capri Sun
One large bag, Reece's Pieces
Three boxes, Fruit Roll-Ups

I Can Do It! A 70s Craft Explosion!

2004-06-30T11:25:00.000-05:00

Come one, come all!

Click to enlarge:

Staying Out For The Summer

2004-06-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

Forget the beach, why not spend your summer at the library? The Fine Arts Department has a whole host of fine activities planned. Just take a gander at the Summer Teen and Adult Program Guide, especially pages 2 and 3.

Thank ya, thank ya, verrrrrry much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-05-19T14:30:00.000-05:00

From:  Tony Aron
To:  Laura Boles
Date:  Wednesday - May 19, 2004 3:14 PM

To: Laura Boles

Your Amateur Liberace Competition was alot of fun!!! If you ever need me for any services please give me a call. Next year Elvis will be 70 years old, gone now for over 25 years and he has songs on the charts in country music, pop music, and gospel music currently and you could have some fun with a special tribute on august 16th, or jan 8th for his birthday.

Thank ya, thank ya, verrrrrry much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elvisly Yours,
Tony Aron

Poster Session Abstract

2004-05-11T13:01:00.000-05:00

Our poster session is a retrospective of the Fine Arts department’s programming undertakings, to include the following:

Promotional materials (posters and flyers)
Program pamphlets
Displays
Bibliographies

Beginning with a piano-themed display centered around local musician Lee Turner in August 2003, we’ve created a series of creative displays that highlight less obvious portions of the collection. The displays incorporate multi-medium collages and dioramas. Building on the initial positive reaction, we’ve branched out further into adult programming and related activities.

Our programs and displays aim to entertain and educate in equal measure, while also filling an outreach function – drawing a new audience to the Main Library. Although appropriate for all ages, our programs are geared toward adults who can appreciate the offbeat whimsy of their content.

The underlying goal is to have strong thematic ties between that month’s program and the concurrent book display, both visually and in terms of display items chosen. The complementary relationship that exists between our programs and displays has also proved to be a successful in-house promotional tactic. Eye-catching displays connected to the program’s theme get customers intrigued about upcoming programs. These programs then draw new faces to the Library, hopefully to become repeat visitors.

We also take a direct role in outreach for our programs with do-it-yourself promotional techniques. We design and distribute our own flyers. By handing out flyers, walking around town and speaking to people, and placing flyers in friendly business establishments, we are able to build word-of-mouth buzz.

We take a more informal and personal approach to directly engage the local artistic community (visual artists, musicians, filmmakers, and arts organizations). For example, for our Halloween program, we invited local pianist Lee Turner to improvise a soundtrack to silent horror classic, the Phantom of the Opera. For an upcoming amateur film festival, we have combined forces with Subterranean Cinema to promote the event and encourage filmmakers to contribute. The accompanying flyer is designed by independent comics artist Josh Sullivan.
These projects are a work in progress. Ideas, stories, techniques and choices of medium evolve. We are constantly refining our working methods and presentation style. This visual development will be a primary focus of the poster session.

Interview with Lee Turner

2004-05-07T12:39:00.000-05:00

We just got back from interviewing our favorite local piano player, Lee Turner. His interview will be included in a documentary we are making for the Amateur Liberace Film Festival. Below are the interview questions and a photograph.

What is your earliest recollection of Liberace?

Did you ever see Liberace perform live? What was it like?

Has Liberace influenced you personally as a performing musician?

How did other musicians view Liberace?

Do you think that Liberace's flamboyance detracted from his musical skills?

Could you play a bit of Liberace for us?

Letter To All-Star Judging Panel

2004-05-06T17:38:00.000-05:00

Hello all,

First off, thanks again for agreeing to be judges in the Jacksonville Public Library’s first Amateur Liberace Film Competition. We’re definitely pleased to have this grouping. The judging panel is:

Tony Aron, Elvis Impersonator Extraordinaire
Michael Higgins, Theatre Instructor, Douglas Anderson School of the Arts
Carolyn Williams, Director, Jacksonville Public Libraries
Max Wood, Musician, Applied Communications

The program begins at 1 pm, on Saturday, May 15. When you arrive, please check in at the Fine Arts desk on the second floor. Please arrive between 1:00 and 1:15 at the latest. We will gather you in a meeting room where there will be hors d’ oeuvres provided for you as you await the start of the competition. You may pop in and out of the auditorium as you wish, as there will be some interesting Liberace-themed presentations going on before the competition. But please stay close at hand, to prevent confusion when it comes time to make your entrances.

The competition will begin around 1:30. The emcee of the event will introduce each of you in turn and say a few words, and you will make individual entrances into the auditorium. If there are any “talking points” or items of interest that you would like mentioned in that spiel, please send them along! Additionally, if you wish to have “entrance music” as you make your way to the judges’ table, please specify or send a recording.

As mentioned above, you will be seated at a judges’ table, separate from the audience, near the front of the auditorium. Your place will be marked with a name tag. When you are seated, the emcee will ask you about Liberace, for memories or reflections, so be warned. Levity is encouraged.

The films will be shown in quick succession. Right now there are nine. Before each film the filmmakers will get a chance to say a few words about their creation. After the viewing of the films, there will be time for each judge to make brief preliminary summation comments. Nothing formal, just a sort of opportunity to get inside each judge’s head while the memory of the films is still fresh.

There will then be a fifteen-minute break for judges to retire to their meeting room to confer and make final selections for first, second, and third place.

Informal Judging Criteria (do not feel bound to these):

- Keep in mind that this is an amateur film competition, and most of the films will be just that, very amateur. Spontaneity and fun are key.
- The most important criteria in judging should be creativity and originality in dealing with its subject matter.
- Was Liberace involved in the film?
- Acting ability and, in the absence of that, acting effort.
- Finally, technical soundness.

After the fifteen-minute break, the judges will re-enter the auditorium, and take their seats. Each judge will give closing comments on his/her favorite or the overall effort and the winners will be announced.

You should be able to leave by around 3:30.

If there are any questions, concerns, or suggestions, do not hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely Yours,

Laura Boles and Matthew Moyer
Fine Arts Librarians
Jacksonville Public Library

Pull The Strings! Next...

2004-05-04T09:00:00.000-05:00

We have many possible titles that are being thrown around for the Staff Development Day poster session. Of course you'd like to read them:

New Wave of Adult Programming
The Real ABC's of Adult Programming
Creative Strategies in Adult Programming
Free Ice Cream... And Thomas Edison
Tackle Me in Front of the Green Chair
More Lee Turner Heads!
Just Sing, Eat Ice Cream and Cry
Hey, Why Don't You Wear That Red Velvet Dress Again Tomorrow?
Did You Press Record?
What's up With the Date/Time Stamp?
Circumnavigate That Porridge Right Over Here!
What a Beauty... A Star is Born!
I'm Just Looking Forward to "I'll Be With You Always," Sung by Barbara Collins!
Contestant 1, Make That Microphone Sing!
And Now Thomas, Let Your Dreams Become Reality!
You Wouldn't Fib to Ol' Kenny, Would You?
You Ungrateful, Kvetch!
Mercy, It's Father Spanker!
Can You See Out of Those Eye Holes?
Hey Wasn't That Tree Wrecked in the Last Scene?
Has He Passed Out Under the Present?
I Thought We All Agreed That You Were Going to Burst Out of the Present
Just the Tor Mask on and Walk Into the Fog
Should Madonna Have a Lee Turner Head or Not?

Okay, maybe it's just our highlight reel.

Happy Birthday Liberace!

2004-05-01T10:56:00.000-05:00

Talk about a coup, comix whiz kid Josh Sullivan has created the exclusive flyer for the Amateur Liberace Film Competition. It's a beauty!

Click to enlarge:

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

2004-04-30T07:57:00.000-05:00

Library to host Amateur Liberace Film Competition:
http://jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/043004/ens_15469016.shtml

To Dream The Impossible Dream (Panel of Judges)

2004-04-27T13:53:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Higgins,

To celebrate Liberace's birthday, the Fine Arts Department of the Jacksonville Public Library is putting on an Amateur Liberace Film Competition. These short films will be screened on Saturday, May 15th from 1 - 4 pm in the Auditorium of the Main Library. We would be honored if you could serve as a member of our all-star panel of judges. Attached is a scan of the flyer and below, just FYI, are the guidelines. If you have any questions at all, feel free to contact me at (904) 630-1947 or mmoyer@coj.net. Hope to see you there!

Sincerely yours,

Matthew Moyer
Librarian, Fine Arts
Jacksonville Public Library

Submission Guidelines:

- Film must be thematically related to Liberace.
- VHS, DVD, 8MM formats only
- No more than 7 minutes in length
- Keep it clean! We're a library!

Please submit tapes for review no later than May 12th to the Main Library, Fine Arts Department. 12 N. Ocean Street, 2nd Floor.

This is mandatory to be entered into the contest.
Contact: Scott Adams / 630-1940 / sadams@coj.net

Promote Your Own Program

2004-04-22T13:05:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Soergel,

To celebrate Liberace's birthday, the Fine Arts Department of the Jacksonville Public Library is putting on an Amateur Liberace Film Competition. These short films will be screened on May 15th from 1 - 4 pm in the Auditorium of the Main Library. We cordially invite you and your readers to submit films to the competition or attend the screenings that Saturday. A mention in your column would be greatly appreciated as well. Attached is a scan of the flyer and below are the guidelines. If you have any questions at all, feel free to contact me at (904) 630-1947 or mmoyer@coj.net. Hope to see you there!

Submission Guidelines:

- Film must be thematically related to Liberace.
- VHS, DVD, 8MM formats only
- No more than 7 minutes in length
- Keep it clean! We're a library!

Please submit tapes for review no later than May 12th to the Main Library, Fine Arts Department. 12 N. Ocean Street, 2nd Floor.

This is mandatory to be entered into the contest.

Contact: Scott Adams / 630-1940 / sadams@coj.net

Sincerely yours,

Matthew Moyer
Librarian, Fine ArtsJacksonville Public Library

Happy Birthday Liberace! Rough Schedule

2004-04-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

Eternally subject to change:

1:00 Doors open
1:10 General Welcome, Glenn Emery's presentation, Lee Turner Remembers:
Liberace, Liberace Documentary Bits, Liberace's Ghost makes appearance
1:30 Film Contest
3:00 Film Contest ends
3:15 Liberace's Ghost redux, Announcement of winners, Show first place film
again
3:30 Cake for all! Scott Thorson blows out birthday cake candles.
3:50 Thank you and goodbye and/or Game (Hot Potato? Pin The Tail On The
Donkey?)

Liberace-Themed Brainstorming

2004-04-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

Sparkling grape soda
Birthday candles
Ghost of Liberace (Alban in glittery pink bedsheet and Liberace mask) w/ fog machine
Scott Thorson blows out birthday candles
Liberace Image projected on auditorium wall
Clips from Liberace Documentary
Glenn Emery presentation on Liberace to give context

The First Annual Kennyoke Competition!

2004-04-10T16:08:00.000-05:00

Emotion! Drama! Velvety-smooth country karyoke! As part of today, Thomas Edison-themed ice cream affair, two Kenny fanatics went toe-to-toe with showstopping takes of "Country's Number One Superstar's" greatest moments. The runner-up tried his hand at an understated (some might say too understated) reading of "Lady". The winner sealed the deal with a blazing version of "Coward Of The County". There wasn't a dry eye in the house, naturally.

Click to enlarge:

The Ringmaster Speaks

2004-04-09T14:55:00.000-05:00

How does one pull together all the disparate elements of our little ice cream program tomorrow? Ask the ringmaster:

Welcome to Thomas Edison's Whiz Bang Circus of Fevered Sideshow Dreams and Kinetoscopic Oddities. Ice Cream will come shortly. But first, direct your attention to the exciting discovery center stage! A vinyl recording of Thomas Edison's own last words. Let's listen...

And of course, right before the ice cream unveiling:

May all your dreams of ice cream come true!

We're never going to be able to find anyone to say this stuff onstage.

Final Outline For Thomas Edison's Whiz-Bang......

2004-04-09T08:15:00.000-05:00

Zamfir disc plays us in.
(Stage lights go up. Fog machine.) Ringmaster intro.
(Stage lights down.) Edisson video - Edison doc. footage + Hayes reading Edison script.
(Stage lights up. Fog machine.) Ringmaster - "And now Thomas, let your dreams become reality!"
(Stage lights down. Cue soundtrack.) Five Melies shorts: The Scheming Gambler's Paradise, The Black Imp, The Mermaid, The Wandering Stars, The Mysterious Retort. Screen Two: Rene Claire [8mm film, let play through following ice cream interlude].
(Stage and house lights up.) Ringmaster - "Ice cream for all!"
Play Circus Clown Calliope soundtrack. Play circus-themed videocassettes softly in background: "Circus Story" and "Theme Park Supervisor."
(House lights down.) Ringmaster runs onto stage and says, "We promised you a Mystery Guest and that's what you're going to get. Here to kick off the first annual Kenny-oke Competition, live via satellite, it's Kenni Roggerz!"
(Stage lights down.) Kenni film segment, take 3.
(All lights halfway up.) Kennyoke time! Ringmaster- "Any takers? There is a prize awaiting the best Kenny!" While Kennyoke takes place, play "Buffalo Bill Circus Sideshow" video on screen one, and play the 8mm Western on screen two.
(All lights down.) "Impossible Voyage" on 16mm and matching Abraxus soundtrack.
(All lights up.) Cake Walk I and II. Play dance instructional video in background and use "Tiger Rag" from Lee Turner's "I Love A Piano" as walking music. Ringmaster - "Cake Walk time! Who wants to do the cake walk? Many chairs, one cake - keep walking until the music stops! And the chairs keep disappearing! The winner takes the cake!"
Ringmaster: "Hang on to your seats for the thrilling finale of Thomas Edison's Whiz Bang...."
(All lights down.) Last film, "Matinee."
Ringmaster: "The show will go on!"
Finale: "Kennys Who Didn't Make The Cut" outtakes.
Ringmaster: "Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen. Thomas thanks you!"
Exeunt.

Kenny-oke

2004-04-07T08:41:00.000-05:00

Now we have the list of songs our Kenny-oke contestants can choose to perform!

Click to enlarge:

Did You Know?

2004-04-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

The actual definition of the word melee from Encarta...

melee-

1. confused mingling: a confused, often noisy mixing of people or things, usually in a public place.

Thus, with all the ambiguity removed, it looks like Liberace's Birthday Melee in May can continue apace. And what would be the perfect ending to a Birthday Melee? Fighting Liberaces in a steel cage? See you there!

It Started Out As A Mere Ice Cream Social

2004-04-02T15:53:00.000-05:00

After weeks and weeks of adjustments, here is the final, approved flyer for Thomas Edison's Whiz Bang Circus of.... I can't remember the rest.

Click to enlarge:

Ten After Kenny

2004-04-01T17:53:00.000-05:00

Live Via Satellite – It’s Kenny Roggerz!

Satellite Feed Activates. Fade In From Static. Camera focuses on Kenny Rogers holding microphone.

Kenny – “Howdy everyone! Sorry I couldn’t be there in sunny Jacksonville, but it surely is busy being Country Music’s #1 Superstar! Anyway, I’m still plumb tickled to be coming to you live from the Dollywood Squash Festival, so I can kick off the First Annual Kenny-oke Competition! I’m sure you’ll all do great, singing your lil’ hearts outs on my favorite hits! And there’s only one way this gambler can think of to introduce such a grand event – with a song! Hit it fellas!”

“The Gambler” begins playing. Kenny does a little boogie-woogie, and sings most of the first verse.

Kenny – “Hey now, what all do you folks have going on at that whiz bang circus grand ole opry anyhow? Is it true you have ice cream there? You wouldn’t fib to old Kenny, would you?”

Kenny sings a little bit more.

Kenny – “Boy howdy, out of all the desserts on god’s green earth, ice cream is this gunslinger’s favorite…”

Continues singing. Looks a little tired, wipes brow.

Kenny – “Ladies and gentlemen, lemme tell you, singing is hard work, parches out the throat. All hot-like! Some soothing ice cream sure would be great right now.”

Sings a couple more lines, looks perplexed and stops singing again.

Kenny – “So let me get this straight, all you had to do was come down to the Library there in Jacksonville, and they gave you ice cream? For free? (muses) Earl, remind ole’ Kenny to fire his booking agent after this song.”

Clearly distracted by this point.

Kenny – “There wouldn’t be a way to zap any of that there ice cream down these fiber optic lines into ole’ Kenny’s mouth, would there? Didn’t think so….”

Barely even concentrating on signing any more. Begins rummaging through pockets, pulls out a deck of playing cards.

Kenny – “One thing I never gamble on is delicious iced cream! (From the deck of cards, pulls out four and turns them towards the audience with a flourish, there are four aces with ice cream cones on the faces.) A winning hand every time!”

Later after the “Know when to run” lyric…

Kenny – “When you run, it should always be straight to your local ice cream parlor. Tell’em Kenny sent you!”

Tries to get back into the singing, does for a verse or two, then begins to look around and crane his neck in the direction of the camera. Something just off camera has clearly caught his attention.

Kenny – “Now wait just a doggone second here! I can’t help but notice that the camera crew has some ice cream and they’re not sharing it with ole Kenny – the man who pays their bills. That just ain’t right! Don’t you boys want to share a little of that neopolitan goodness with your pal Kenny?

Camera waves back and forth no. Kenny appears to laugh it off. Sings like four more words and then lunges for the camera like a feral animal. Camera shakes wildly as Kenny wrests a large bowl of ice cream from the cameraman. (Shaky camera work from here on.) Kenny cradles it, gives the thumbs up, and then plunges his whole face into the bowl. With that the screen fades to black.

How To Give An Ice Cream Social An Unwieldy Title

2004-03-15T15:37:00.000-05:00

How about Thomas "Flapdoodle" Edison's Whiz-Bang Satyricon Of Fevered Sideshow Dreams And Kinetoscopic Oddities? There is some dissension over the use of the word "satyricon."

The subtitle at the moment is: "An afternoon of sideshow attractions, films, contests, oddities and ice cream."

In true circus poster fashion, there will be several excitable captions about featured events. These are:

Pugilistic Cats!
Great Hooplas!
Fantastical Competitions!
Diverting Nickelodeons!

The REAL Thomas Edison

2004-03-10T13:22:00.000-05:00

Genial inventor or dangerous crank? You decide....

"The talking motion picture will not supplant the regular silent motion picture. . . . There is such a tremendous investment in pantomime pictures
that it would be absurd to disturb it." (Munsey's Magazine, March 1913.)

"It is apparent to me that the possibilities of the aeroplane, which two or three years ago was thought to hold the solution to the [flying machine] problem, have been exhausted, and that we must turn elsewhere." (New York World, November 17, 1895.)

"The radio craze . . . will die out in time so far as music is concerned. But it may continue for business purposes." (Quoted by Conot in his biography of Edison, page 424.)

"Sammy, they will never try to steal the phonograph. It is not of any commercial value." (Edison to Sam Insull, an assistant, as quoted by Conot, page 245.)

"In fifteen years, more electricity will be sold for electric vehicles than for light." (Quoted in Science Digest, February 1982.)

HONOR MY NAME!

2004-03-08T15:46:00.000-05:00

I'M THOMAS EDISON!!!

(Scene opens with Scott Thorson tending to Thomas Edison – room is silent, except for the mournful strains of Barber’s “Adagio.” Thorson spoons some gruel into the mouth of the near-comatose Edison, shakes his head at the camera and sashays offstage. Once he has left the stage, Edison’s eyes pop open and he stirs back to life…)

Edison: Alone at last! What a relief to finally let my thoughts and musings rest on far weightier matters than a mere lightbulb or a phonograph. I am no one-trick Clydesdale! Though my body is infirm, my mind is full of vigor, bursting with earth-shattering new ideas! These are the ones I should be remembered for! Film projector, bah! My only regret is that I am too feeble to fully see these infant creations to realization. Perhaps worthy successors will take up where I left off...HONOR MY NAME!

---ON TRIP TO THE MOON---

(Edison, is propped up on the cot, waving arms wildly. Thorson stands in corner, at ready, shaking his head the whole time.)

Edison: (holding Melies mask up to face, talks in cartoonish French accent) Hello! Hello! It is I, Inventor Crazybrains, the Man with The Rubber Head, the Up-To-Date Conjuror, the Phrenologist and his Lively Skull, Bob Kick, the Mischievous Kid, the Chloroform Fiend, Uncle Rube and it’s my Birthday, the Devilish Plank, the Clown with the Portable Body, the Human Pump! And most assuredly, the greatest director in all the land! No?

(drops mask with a grand flourish) NO! It was me! Thomas Edison all along! Did you enjoy my 500 films? A mere diversion in between spirited rounds of lawn darts! After all, Melies is just an anagram for Edison, isn't it? ISN’T IT? Trip to the moon? I'll show you all, I spent six hours filming a circus strong man! I’ll show you a Wonderful Airship! Circumnavigate that porridge right over here! I’M THOMAS EDISON!

---ON KARAOKE---

Edison: Piano rolls - how I hate them! Why cannot the unwashed masses vocalize along to the popular tunes of the day? I've got it! I'll call it kar-i-o-keee... I am truly the wizard of Menlo Park!

---ON BOXING CATS---

Edison: The lightbulb? Bah! I’M THOMAS EDISON! Show me the man who can combine pugilist cats and iced cream delicacies under the same circus sideshow tent and I will call him genius!

--- ON ICE CREAM RIOTS ---

(Midway through speech, Jacksonville Landing backdrop will lower behind Edison, “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” will cue up, and puppets will rise up from each side of the cot and alternately torment Edison or throw ice cream cones at one another.)

Edison: But… But… a word of warning… I see a sun-kissed city drenched in flames, terrible flames, fires that will not even be quenched by the delicious iced creams that once flowed freely through the streets like phosphates and sasparilla! I see houses divided, brother against brother, womens’ ankles clearly exposed, spoons inflicting grievous injuries! All because some devious rogue could not deliver the sweet treats he had promised to that harbor town! To every man, a bellyful! Lies! LIES! And for that, wild-eyed men donned bowls ‘pon their brows and whirled about like dervishes. Broken windows, ruffled handlebar moustaches, tipped over applecarts, petticoats turned into deadly weapons, carnage! I see the wounded stretched out in all directions, parched tongues still vainly hungering for the merest touch of vanilla bean! WHY? WHY? WHY? The vision fades…

---ON ASTRONAUTS---

Edison: I tell you they're wrong - the first astronaut will be no mere soldier or technician. He'll have to be of hardier stock - perhaps an Appalachian folk singer? And bravery? Yes, all that and more! He shall be a risk taker by nature - a gambler, if you will... But he needs that extra edge - we'll replace his brain with clockwork gears. And his proud brow will be adorned with a headband! A HEADBAND!

---ON COACH SHORTS---

Edison: Why must athletic instructors be encumbered with baggy pantaloons? There is no freedom of movement, with which to whoop about and make a great hoopla - stirring their charges on to victory! I am developing tiny pants or shorts, if you will, that will be form-fitting and snug as they are comfortable! But these "shorts" cannot be hewn from any fabric know to man. I envision a cloth hybrid, soft to the touch, yet durable enough to repel the charge of the buffalo. I'll call it Poly-Edison!

---ON ICE CREAM SCULPTING---

Edison: Yes, I've been to the Louvre and I've walked among the ruins of the Acropolis --- and I was disgusted by what I saw! They call this art? The talented sculptors of the ages have been forced to fumble around with refuse like marble, clay (choke), and metals. I, THOMAS EDISON, CALL THEM ABOMINATION! The only true medium for sculpture is and has ever been iced creams! Only when I see the David recast in purest Neopolitan will I smile again!

---ON CAKEWALKS---

Edison: Bakeries you call them...HA! I call them pits of sloth and indolence. Once men, proud men, hunted for their food and revelled in it. How can I do any less with baked confectionaries? Am I not a man? I’M THOMAS EDISON! Prowling in a circle, stalking the cake in the manner of a proud panther - YES - only the nimblest will be rewarded with cake - YES! And there is more; there must be soothing yet deceptive music playing, whispering in the ear of the proud cake walker as did the Sirens to the Argonauts - so that only the man who resists their treacherous song and is boxing catlike in grace will emerge triumphant with a cake and a howl! And if only I was younger that man would be me, THOMAS EDISON!

(gestures wildly, collapses back onto bed, Thorson approaches with hot plate as screen fades to black)

RINGMASTER: "And now Thomas, let your dream become........REALITY!"

He's Got A Heart Of Gold...

2004-03-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

...And A Brain Of Clockwork Gears!

A Cyborg Kenny display in three parts:

Photo 1: Mission Control Station

Photo 2: Rocket crashes into Planet Ice Cream (right) and Kenny emerges from a neopolitan hill in the ice cream grotto and gives the thumbs up (left).

The List

2004-02-12T16:53:00.000-05:00

Kenny routine (Kenny Roggerz)
Cake Walk
Kenny Karaoke (kenny-oke?)
Rocket Ride
Talking Turkey
Egg in Spoon
Three-Legged Race
Sculpt a Keny Face
Mud Pie
Paper Mache Sideshow
Treasure Hunt
Book Display
Daredevil Alban's Thrilling Feats
Tug of War

Winter Wonderland: The Casting

2003-12-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

The in-library casting for the Winter Wonderland movie is finally complete! I won't bother humiliating myself or my co-workers by listing who is portraying who, but I will let you in on the star-studded cast of the film:

Liberace
Father Spanker
Kenny Rogers
"Special Lady"
Scott Thorson
Quentin from "Dark Shadows"
Elvis Presley
Dolly Parton
Carol Channing

Winter Wonderland Pre-Production Schedule

2003-12-18T10:33:00.000-05:00

Making the page earn his money:

Affix gingerbread men to oven
Wrap large x-mas gift
Create three smaller gift boxes
Decorate tree with decorations and tree topper

Winter Wonderland: The Movie

2003-12-12T11:52:00.000-05:00

Liberace at piano with back to camera as Mantovani’s “White Christmas” plays; Scott Thorson looking on with admiration. Liberace turns around to face the camera with a grand flourish and waves – Thorson swoons.

Liberace: Hello friends! I’m so happy you could all come to my Christmas party. After all, it’s my favorite time of the year. (Liberace then jingles a bell) And my guests are arriving! This will truly be a night to remember!

Guests file in one by one: Vegas Elvis, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Carol Channing and Coach.

Liberace: Now Elvis! (Elvis enters) Now Carol! (Carol enters) On Dolly! (Dolly enters) And Kenny!(Kenny enters) Try the pheasant on my buffet! Admire the rhinestone wreaths on my wall! Now dance away! Dance away! Dance away all!

Liberace begins celebrating with friends, exchanging gifts. All the gifts have images of Liberace on them (Liberace piano, Liberace snowglobe, etc.) Except Kenny's - his is a chilly surprise.

Liberace: (proudly hands over ornament) For you, Phyllis!

Liberace: (hands over ornament solemnly) Hello Dolly!

Liberace: (about to hand over snowglobe, but changes his mind at last minute, and hands over chilly surprise) For you, Kenn… No Kenny, THIS is for you. They don’t have this in Nashville, do they, Kenny?

Liberace: And how could I forget, the King of Rock And Roll!

Elvis looks at his ornament with displeasure.

Liberace: (grabs it from him, yelling) You ungrateful kvetch! Can't you tell how beautiful that is?! I never liked your stupid songs anyway! Your Christmas albums are so boring and depressing! Let's hear some real Christmas music. Dolly's album with Kenny is one of my favorites and is played in all my homes during the holidays. Kenny and she make a perfect pair.

Kenny and Dolly approach piano and begin to sing a duet. (Kenny keeps fumbling with the precious gift in his pocket).

Father Spanker: (bursts out of tree) No one wants your ugly mug in their Christmas stocking! It sounds like someone’s hankerin’ for a spankerin’!

Audience gasp and scatter. Liberace pushes a guest in front of him to block Spanker and takes off. Elvis starts doing kung fu moves. Chase scene ensues.

Cut to Kenny and Dolly's duet - "Christmas Without You."

Liberace stumbles back to crowd, out of breath from the chase scene with his cape on backward and over his head, adjusts his costume and music shifts back to Mantovani’s “White Christmas.”

Liberace: And now friends, it’s time for my biggest Christmas surprise yet. (audience gasps) I’m no longer the ladies’ man, the Don Juan you all knew me as. I’ve found someone special to share my life with. And I just couldn’t imagine Christmas without my special lady. (Liberace and special lady do an awkward ballroom spin and pose for the audience) (audience gasps)
Scott Thorson collapses in background.

Kenny Rogers is obviously touched by the love that Liberace and his "special lady" share and appears to lose it. He’s overcome by emotion and sobs heavily, his whole body shaking. Then suddenly, it seems as though creative inspiration has hit him hard. He exits camera shot toward the piano. He re-enters hastily to grab a chilly surprise or the Liberace-festooned ice cream bowl, then goes to compose his masterpiece.

Father Spanker: (busts out of smoking oven) What a load of crap! Trying to trick Father Spanker on Christmas is a Yuletide no-no! Raaaahhhrrr!! (shakes rolling pin in the air and begins the chase).

Liberace and Special Lady scatter, pushing guests and chairs around.

Quick cut to Kenny at the piano. Kenny plays "Lady" while scarfing down ice cream with tears in his eyes. At some point he sings to the ice cream. At the end of the song, Dolly throws a robe over Kenny and escorts him off-camera.

Return to the chase scene.

Father Spanker catches Liberace with one hand, the special lady with the other.

Father Spanker: Now I’ve got you! (rips off special lady’s mask) That's no special lady! That’s your mom!

Charlie Brown theme starts up and everyone dances (all crazy – like in the Charlie Brown special).

A Musical Tribute To Liberace!

2003-12-09T12:23:00.000-05:00

Originally this scenario was supposed to appear in the "Superstar Musical Tribute" portion of the upcoming Liberace Birthday gala, but it's so good that I think we'll co-opt it for the Winter Wonderland film:

Musical Tribute to Liberace = Kenny Rogers eating ice cream at a piano and singing "Lady" with a mouth full of said ice cream. Dolly Parton escorts him offstage, James Brown-cape-over-shoulders style.

Liberace Gives The Best Presents...

2003-12-08T10:46:00.000-05:00

...To His Famous Friends

Kenny Rogers - snowglobe/"chilly surprise"*
Dolly Parton - piano standup
Elvis Presley - diorama o' madness
Carol Channing - "pull the beard" cutout

(* chilly surprise = big bowl of ice cream)

Sad Santa

2003-11-23T13:26:00.000-05:00

We're very sorry. Due to circumstances beyond our control, the Winter Wonderland Traveling Cavalcade of Thrills and Curiosities has been cancelled. We'll be back, though.

For now all that remains is this very eye-catching flyer:

Walkin' In A....

2003-11-20T16:39:00.000-05:00

Following requests to justify the time allotted to this program, here is the final schedule of festive events:

From:  Laura Boles
To:  XXXXX XXXXX
Date:  Thursday - November 20, 2003 4:24 PM
Subject:  Winter Wonderland

2:00 MAIN LIBRARY
2:00-2:15 Meet up in Meeting Room A
2:15-2:30 Greetings & Introduction of Father Spanker(explain historical roots in European legend)/Father Spanker makes first appearance
2:30-2:45 Transit to San Marco
2:45-3:45 SAN MARCO
2:45-2:55 Introduction - table of ornaments and fake tree (containing Father Spanker) is wheeled out by "bad" characters who explain that they are going to force the audience to work their fingers to the bones making Liberace ornaments for 6 hours. Father Spanker bursts out of tree, dispenses comeuppance.
2:55-3:45 Real crafts explosion begins - instruct audience how to make their own felt gingerbread man ornaments, festive garland, and tin stars.
3:45-4:00 Transit to Willowbranch
4:00 WILLOWBRANCH
4:00-4:10 Wheel in cardboard oven (Father Spanker is concealed inside) with plates of gingerbread men cookies on top. The "bad" characters say they cooked all this delicious gingerbread, which is in fact, so delicious they decided to keep it for themselves. They put the cookies on the table, tie on gingerbread man bibs and say "I am going to enjoy this!" Father Sapnker bursts out of oven and dispenses more comeuppance.
4:10-4:15 Pass out gingerbread and hot apple cider
4:15-5:00 Screen condensed version of Santa Claus vs. the Martians

Winter Wonderland: Schedule of Events with Estimated Time

2003-11-17T11:03:00.000-05:00

:15 Christmas shorts (Snowflake, Hardrock, Coco, Joe, etc.)
*Ed introduces the legend of Father Spanker, we hustle him off the stage, he calls Father Spanker - "hey Spanker" - Spanker runs in Kool-Aid man style - "oh yeah!"
:10 Virtual Hayride
*Wheel out table full of all manner of Liberace ornaments and "tree." Show off Liberace ornaments and talk about how we're going to work their fingers to the bone on making these beautiful baubles. One of us goes to show how pretty they look on the tree and out comes Father Spanker who grabs us by the throat and scatters the ornaments, scolding us for not paying attention to the audience.
:35 Craft Explosion
:15 Sing-a-long
*Possible interruption when we try to force Lee Turner to play Gingerbread Rag 89 more times - spankings ensue (from chimney)
:20 *Wheel in gingerbread "oven" with ginger pile and cookies on top. Mmmm good! We then say that we cooked all this delicious ginger bread but its so delicious that we decided to keep it for ourselves! So sit tight and watch the fun! Put gingerbread on table with candles - strap on gingerbread man bibs - "I am going to enjoy this!" Suddenly Father Spanker pops out of gingerbread
Gingerbread Extravaganza
*ginger pile contest with plastic paddles; cookies and hot cider
:10 Liberace Special (Interrupted by Father Spanker)
*Father Spanker interrupts - hear paddling from the projection booth - "What did I tell you earlier about the Liberace?" - switches fly from booth
1:20 Santa Conquers the Martians

Busy Busy...

2003-11-15T16:09:00.000-05:00

Assorted projects awaiting completion:

1. Edit down Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
2. Finish Liberace Snow Globe
3. Make Winter Wonderland oversize banner
4. Finish cardboard stove
5. Finish breakaway cardboard Xmas tree
6. Find musicians
7. Purchase felt/needles/stuffing

In addition, apparently local sheet metal companies would be willing to donate "scrap" to the library for metal ornament-making:

- Ford Sheet Metal Co.
- Industrial Sheet Metal
- Miscellaneous Sheet Metal Inc.

It's pure pandemonium.

Winter Wonderland Taking Shape

2003-11-09T14:33:00.000-05:00

It's always difficult to extract some linear form and structure from pages and pages of notes, but right now we're thinking of the following framework for Winter Wonderland:

1 Hour 20 Min. - Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
40 Min. - Holiday Shorts (Susie Snowflake, etc)/A Liberace Xmas/Virtual Hayride
1 Hour - Crafts Explosion!

This should, theoretically, take us right through the three hours we've allotted. We're thinking either 1-4 pm or 2-5 pm on a Saturday.

Winter Wonderland Brainstorming Session I

2003-11-04T10:24:00.000-05:00

What makes a good Holiday program? Events up for consideration:

Candle Dipping
Gingerbread Extravaganza
Extreme Tree-Trimming
Sing-a-long
Gift Exchange
Hot Cider and Cinamon Sticks
Santa Slide Show
Metal Ornament Making
Screen Liberace Christmas Video
History of Father Spanker
Father Spanker Pops Out Of Chimney, Tree

A Virtual Hayride

2003-11-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

As a way to cut down on the obvious difficulties of Father Spanker making a grand entrance and dispensing spankings aplenty to those who've spoiled the spirit of Christmas, it might be better to have him appear onscreen, a safe distance away from the audience. Perhaps a virtual hayride, projected on the movie screen. We could film it on the back of a moving truck, with all the action taking place in the cab. Some ideas include:

- Father Spanker revealled as driver when things get rough.
- Bunch of switches fly at the camera at intervals.
- Coach attacks truck during hayride.
- Flying saucers (nod to recent Horror-A-Go-Go).
- Graveyard scene, Liberace attacks.
- Free Padding is distributed to audience to protect their britches.

Who Is Father Spanker?

2003-11-02T14:41:00.000-05:00

For our purposes---

- He wears Jingle Bells on his shoes, so you can hear him from a
distance.
- His entrance is akin to that of the Kool-Aid Man. "Hey Spanker!" "Oh
yeah!" As he crashes through the "wall," someone placed behind him will throw
candy canes and confetti at the audience.
- He loves to make surprise entrances. 1. Cauldron during candle-dipping
segment: We have wicks and a small block of wax. Spanker busts out of
cauldron with a cry of, "That's a fire hazard!" Smacks wicks out of our hands
and smashes wax. 2. Table during crafts explosion segment: We show off Liberace
ornaments, Spanker bursts out of top of table/display stand, shouting
"Enough with the Liberace!" as ornaments scatter.

The List

2003-11-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

From time to time, we will post lists that result from informal brainstorming sessions. Just ideas that we would like to see happen...

cloggers
ye olde mill clowns
ice cream eating contest
ice cream riot puppet show
Liberace puppet show
flashy Christmas gifts
angry Liberace coach
Liberace Santa
Lee Turner on piano
churn your own ice cream
costumes from programmming
Santa hats
sing-a-long
Santa Conquers the Martians

So Now They Warm To Liberace...

2003-11-01T13:10:00.000-05:00

Supervisor suggested an idea for a future film or program, starring Liberace, natch:

Liberace travels back in time to the signing of the Declaration of Independence, wearing his patriotic hot pants outfit. He swaggers up to the Founding Fathers, saying, "Step aside. I want to be the first person to sign." Signs his elaborate piano-motif signature.

Let's Never Do That Again... How About A Christmas Program?

2003-10-28T11:22:00.000-05:00

Inevitably, informal planning began today for a Holiday-themed program. Here are some of the ideas tossed out:

- Snowball eating contest
- Fastest gift wrapper
- Ice cream riot show (ask Laura)
- Father Spanker
- Hot apple cider
- Candle dipping
- Gingerbread Extravaganza
- Chilly surprises (don't ask)
- Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
- Virtual hayride
- Admission: Canned good or toy

Exclusive: The Horror A Go-Go Program

2003-10-22T10:47:00.000-05:00

Here is a sneak peek at what the lucky audience will see this Saturday. Lucky!

A SUPER-DUPER MODERN PROMETHEUS

2003-10-11T16:00:00.000-05:00

A SUPER-DUPER MODERN PROMETHEUS

Opening Sequence:

Exterior shot of Liberace’s house, dark night, maybe some lightning in the background. A black hearse winds up the driveway (for that use one of Liberace’s car’s but color it jet black or ramshackle or something) – use Vampire at the Harpsichord music.

Scott Thorson voiceover introduction -

Scene One, Liberace’s Bar:

Starz, Thorson, Liberace, Igor all sitting around a table littered with plates of brains and blood cocktails, the mood is jovial and chatty. Piano music in the distant background. Quick cut to Thorson, who looks suddenly serious and doubtful.

Thorson voiceover: “Jack Starz was a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon with an impressive address… My first impression of Starz wasn’t very good. He was a poor advertisement for his profession. His face had so many silicone implants that he looked more like a Kewpie doll than a living, breathing human. He also seemed very fond of booze (blood). Lee had offered him a drink and the doctor had taken several in quick succession. Tragically, in view of what happened as a result of my association with Starz , I failed to see that as a potential sign of danger. We were all drinking that evening and the fact that Starz had more than anyone else didn’t seem worth worrying about.”

Thorson then brightens, and everyone chugs down more blood.

Starz, after a particularly big gulp of blood, perhaps a burp too: “So, why exactly have you summoned me from my hidden laboratory?”

Piano music abruptly stops, perhaps replaced with creepy organ music. Thorson and Liberace exchange glances.

Liberace: “I want to talk to you about doing some surgery on Scott.”

Cut to Scott, surprised, he’s shaking, maybe a drink spills or something. Cut to Igor and Starz, who look pleased.

Thorson (voiceover): “It really took me by surprise. No way at the age of twenty, did I need a face lift. Nor had Lee ever voiced any unhappiness with my appearance, other than to suggest I try to lose a little weight- a suggestion I intended to take very seriously. I’d always been Lee’s ‘blond Prometheus’- his words, not mine. So the mention of plastic surgery for me came as a complete surprise.”

Starz and Igor loom over Scott menacingly, poking and prodding him with tools in their mouths.

Starz: “What would you like me to do to Scott?”
Lee jumps up from his chair, upsetting several plates and goblets. He runs out of the room and returns with a large oil portrait of himself as a young man clutched in his mouth. He props the portrait on the table as Starz and Igor hover over it, examining every detail. Then they look at Scott, then the painting, then Scott, then the painting, then Scott, then the painting, etc etc etc.

Liberace: (expounding on his beauty)

Thorson (voiceover): “I was horrified. It was a full-face portrait of Lee and one of his favorite paintings of himself, clearly showing his prominent cheekbones, slightly arched nose and pointy chin in the most flattering way. If anything, it almost emphasized the differences between my face and his.”

Cut back to Starz. Even spookier music now, background completely shifts to the mad scientist’s lab, maybe shift the lighting to look even stranger.

Starz (voice growing more maniacal by the instant): “Yes, I think I can do what you want. Those fools who dare claim to be my peers would say that it could not be done, would call me mad. But Igor knows, there is no human clay that I cannot reshape! He’ll need to have a nose job, and I’ll have to restructure his cheekbones and chin with silicone, but it’s possible. I can make Scott look a lot like you, IF that’s WHAT YOU WANT. It will be my unholy masterpiece!”

Starz and Igor laugh insanely for what seems like forever. Liberace even joins in.

Thorson (voiceover): “The two of them were discussing me as if I wasn’t in the room, but it didn’t occur to me to object, I’d never been crazy about the way I looked and felt flattered, touched, by Lee’s desire to have me look like him. I didn’t think he was handsome in the conventional sense, but he did have an interesting face, whereas I always thought mine looked as if it should have been made from Play Doh… If Lee wanted me to have a new face, I could either go along with it or get out of his life. The choice was that simple. NO ONE DEFIED LEE – NOT EVER!”

Thorson slowly goes over to the group, and joins in their laughter, maybe they start dancing around. Yeah!

Scene Two, Liberace Bar or Kitchen or something:

Thorson and Liberace are, man, I have no idea.

Thorson, voiceover, while looking at Liberace: “Lee and I never discussed the surgery he wanted me to have… I knew how pointless any discussion would have been, even if I had any real objections. The truth is it never occurred to me to oppose Lee. My future was completely in his hands, as it had been the day I accepted his offer of employment. If he wanted me to spend the rest of my life with a new face, one that looked like his, that’s exactly what I would do… But occasionally I’d be swept with waves of restlessness, concern about where my life was headed. When I tried to discuss my doubts and concerns about my future and where I was headed with Lee, he’d act withdrawn and hostile.”

Thorson: “Lee, I…”

Liberace: “Don’t be a goddamn kvetch! There are thousands of boys who’d love to be in your position! This will make you more than a man, this will make you… a god!”

Thorson: “Of course, you’re right.”

Liberace (giddy): “Ooh, Scott! I can’t wait to see what Dr. Starz is going to do with you!”

Scene Three, to the Laboratory

Exterior shot of Starz/Mad Scientist’s Lair, dark sky, lightning in background. Vampire on Harpsichord music plays. Liberace’s flashy car slowly winds up the path. A bottle of fright pills falls out the passenger window.

Thorson (voiceover): “When it was my turn to be driven to the doctor’s office in darkest Beverly Hills I went happily, like the proverbial lamb to the slaughter.”

Scene 4, The First Surgery

Thorson and Liberace nervously enter Starz’ lab. It appears to be empty.

Starz abruptly enters with a loud crash of thunder, creepy music cues up. Igor lurks behind him.
Starz: “Welcome, gentlemen, TO HISTORY! Igor, my charts.”

Igor hunches off and returns with the earlier Liberace oil painting, only it is all marked up and diagrammed and scribbled over as a doctor would. Starz begins explaining and pointing out what will happen, Liberace nods, etc, as the Thorson voiceover takes over.

Starz: “Isn’t it ghastly? Here’s where we begin…”

Thorson (voiceover): “My surgery was slated to be a two-step procedure. First, Starz would work on my cheekbones and chin, using silicone implants to reshape my round face into a reasonable facsimile of Lee’s heart-shaped one. Five days later I’d have the more traumatic procedure, a nose job to narrow and lengthen my nose. At the last minute, in a brief rebellious moment, I asserted myself enough to ask Starz to give me a dimple in my chin- even though Lee didn’t have one. After all, it was my face! I swear I saw a gleam in Starz eyes when I made my pitch. Strange…”

Cut to quick closeup of Starz when “gleam” is mentioned.

Starz (in a low whisper, as the camera zooms right up to his mouth): “Now let’s begin!”

Liberace is hustled out of the room by Igor, who then leads Scott to the “operating table.” Shift the music to something more frenetic and crazy, under it is heard Igor’s snorting laugh and Starz shouting things in a demented fashion like, “More brains!” and “The fools said silicone was useless, it’s god’s very clay!” and “There’s blood everywhere!” and assorted nonsense. Both Igor and Starz rush around as if possessed.

Perhaps for the end of the scene, have Starz shout “It’s alive! It’s alive!” as he shakes Igor violently and laughs. Yeah.

Scene 5, The Interim (Feel Free To Change This Scene Around)

Starz slumps over the mummy-wrapped body of Thorson, looking exhausted. Liberace enters timidly. Igor is nowhere to be found. The music has calmed down a little.

Liberace: “It got so quiet in here suddenly. What happened? Is it over? Can I see him?”

Starz (in a low whisper that slowly rises): “No… No, it is not done, you imbecile. You can’t rush destiny… And this is my destiny, I….”

Liberace: “Maybe he’s been through enough. Maybe I was too rash…”

Starz: “No my friend, YOU are GOING TO GET YOUR MONEY’S WORTH and I am going to GET MY SCIENTIFIC TRIUMPH. You will sit here and wait until Igor returns from the cemetery with the necessary delicacies or HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THE NOSE JOB? YOU WERE PROMISED A NOSE JOB!”

Starz brandishes a hammer.

Immediately, a crash of thunder and flash of lightning illuminates Igor entering with a grimy sack full of mysterious contents. Lights flash, more lightning more thunder. Starz and Liberace and Igor rush around in confusion and madness.

Scene 6, The Grand Unveiling

Camera slowly comes into focus, as if through Thorson’s eyes. Maybe even lift bandages from the camera lens to reveal Igor and Starz and Liberace all staring expectantly. Yeah!

Starz: “How is the patient, hmmm? How is my canvas?”

Thorson (groggy voiceover): “When I woke up a few hours later my face, with its silicone implants, looked and felt like it belonged to someone else… I had difficulty breathing and felt horrible in general. The doctor assured me that this was perfectly normal and gave me some new pills to alleviate my anxiety. The first time I saw myself in a mirror, all swollen and black-and-blue with horribly bloodshot eyes, I felt certain that I’d made the mistake of my life... I looked awful. My face was badly swollen, the skin mottled with black and blue marks and covered with scabs. Perhaps this was to be my punishment for mocking God.”

Liberace gasps. But Starz and Igor spontaneously applaud (is that even possible?) and break down into tears of joy.

Scene 7, The Final Act

Thorson slowly approaches the grand hallway mirror. As the voiceover begins, he is clearly memorizing and examining every detail of his new face. Maybe some music from Psycho here, especially swelling to the point where the mirror breaks/shower death scene?

Thorson (halting voiceover): “ The swelling and discoloration that marred my face had faded. A totally new Scott Thorson was emerging from the postoperative trauma. As Starz had dementedly promised, I looked like a younger, Nordic version of Liberace, with high cheekbones, a narrower nose, and a pointed chin. Often, when I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I’d find myself wondering who that stranger was. I literally didn’t recognize myself… I now recognized the error of my ways. We tried to play God and had gone too far… I DIDN”T RECOGNIZE MYSELF…”

Thorson begins to shake as the camera zooms in on his reflection in the mirror. Behind his shoulders appear Liberace on one side and Starz on the other.

Liberace: “A beauty- a star is born.”

With that Starz and Liberace begin to laugh maniacally. Blur the camera out of focus. Shatter the mirror. Music drowns out everything else.

The End.

DIY Promotion, Volume I

2003-10-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

After going through countless back issues of Famous Monsters magazine, every scrap of Lee Turner promotional material, not to mention everything even remotely Ed Wood-related in the library collection, we are proud to present the finished flyer for the First Annual Horror A Go Go (because the public demanded it)! Not too shabby, I must say.

Click to enlarge:

Horror A Go Go! Go!

2003-09-11T16:05:00.000-05:00

INTRODUCTION --- Frankenstein song

SILENT MOVIE --- Lee Turner piano accompaniment?
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari 64 min.
Phantom of the Opera 75 min.

DOOR PRIZES

CLIPS --- approx 30 min.
Setting Goals in the Company of Ghouls
The Matinee
Batman episode w/ Liberace
Dark Shadows Scariest Moments
Dracula public service ad
Hammer Trailers
Ed Wood

INTERLUDE --- Barnabas song

BIOGRAPHIES --- the men behind the horror
Bela Lugosi 50 min.
Liberace 50 min.

INTERLUDE II --- Puppet show

FEATURE PRESENTATION
Intro to Glen or Glenda 5 min.
Plan 9 from Outer Space 79 min.

GRAND FINALE --- Dark Shadows/Downtown Jacksonville

A New Dawn In Library Displays

2003-09-10T11:38:00.000-05:00

The first of, hopefully, a long series of Fine Arts Displays. We're trying something new. Here it is, I Love A Piano! Click to enlarge:

I Love A Piano!

2003-08-28T11:53:00.000-05:00

This is where a love of randomness and Jacksonville-area pianist Lee Turner will get you. Our supervisor has challenged us to make a display revolving around this strange collage. Fine then, bluff called: